Tuesday, September 1, 2009

What it means when she (or he) hangs up on you

I had a bitch of a girlfriend whose "arguing style" included a most annoying trait. When she was unable to handle hearing an alternative point of view on something, she would quickly escalate to a rage-state and eventually just hang up the phone (or abruptly, without warning, log off of chat). This was such a frequent behavior, even in cases of relatively minor disagreements, that it got me thinking about what might be behind it.

Mind you, I'm no psychologist. But I think I have it figured out.

Consider the consequences of a hang-up for the hanger-upper. The act of hanging up is a control act. The hanger-upper asserts immediate control over the conversation and the other person. This is important. Your partner may not admit to being a control freak. But this is a telltale clue.

Another important benefit for the hanger-upper is that disconnecting automatically, instantaneously, removes a painful negative stimulus. From an operant conditioning point of view, this is a self-reinforcing behavior.

So it's a double-whammy for the hanger-upper. By hanging up, she achieves a feeling of power while simultaneously eliminating a painful negative stimulus. What could be better?

But what about the hanger-uppee? What are the consequences for the person who's being hung up on?

Well of course, first of all you feel like you've been distanced. It's an awful silence on the other end of the line.

But mostly it's a feeling of abandonment. It's certainly an act of abandonment by the person who hangs up.

What are the emotions felt by someone who is abandoned by a loved one?
  • Powerlessness: You are unable, even in theory, to continue the conversation with the other person. You have no control at all over your situation. You've been robbed of any power, any influence.
  • Hopelessness: There's no hope of winning the argument or bringing the other person back. They've already left.
  • Loneliness: You have gone from a two-person interaction to one person. You're by yourself.
In short, your partner has punished you by making you impotent -- powerless. At the same time, she (or he) has reclaimed power and obtained a strong (if short-lived) "high" from the act of hanging up. At the very moment of disconnecting, the hanger-upper feels a rush, a hugely satisfying feeling of empowerment. This satisfaction is very short-lived, though, like the buzz from your first morning cigaret. In fact, if the person in question has any kind of conscience at all, it's followed some time later (maybe minutes or hours, but more likely days) by feelings of guilt. The person will come to you the next day and try to make up. She will try to explain her behavior as an "overreaction" or an impulse, or unintentional, or a momentary lapse of judgment. It was none of those things. In fact, when you hear that kind of explanation, you are not hearing an apology (or even an explanation), but an excuse. It means "I know what I did was wrong, but it felt good at the time and I'll do it again in the future."

I dug deeper into my girl's background, and here's what I found.

At a formative age (adolescent), her father left her mother. The father now dates one of the daughter's former high school teachers. Father and daughter occasionally talk on the phone, but daughter now hates father (even today, at age 32), and she frequently ends phone conversations by hanging up on her father.

My (ex)girlfriend loves her mom, defends her as a saint. She hates her dad, castigates him as a selfish, cruel person.

It all makes sense now. When her father left her mother, my girlfriend's dad was engaging in an act of abandonment -- a type of hanging up. My girlfriend was young at the time and keenly felt the sense of powerlessness imposed on her and her mother. They were powerless to bring the man back. Powerless even to plead for reconsideration. Powerless in the most fundamental sense of not having the ability (even in theory) to be heard.

My girlfriend learned from this experience, at an early age, that the way to gain power over a man -- and punish him for his insolence and disrespect for you (because after all, when you feel powerless and disrespected, you seek power and respect constantly, you make a fetish out of it) -- is to hang up on him. Abandon him. The way you were abandoned.

I feel sorry for someone like that. They're truly damaged goods. And they're going to go through life imposing their own psychological damage on others.

I feel pity. But not forgiveness. People who hang up on me might deserve all the pity in the world, but you know what? Rude assholes can go fvck themselves, I don't care how good a blowjob they give.

86 comments:

  1. Just need a change of perspective. Something I was told when I was young that always made this much simpler for me - The person who hangs up has lost the argument. It's like making a personal insult when you can't win the debate.

    A couple exes of mine would hang-up if it was over-the-phone and if in-person would blurt an abrupt "Stop, you're making my brain hurt!" The equivalent to covering her ears and singing.

    Bad signs if you're an analytical type. It means your arguments will never end in reason, unless it's the other person's reasoning.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have a question....
      I said some uncalled for things to my bf about not being invited 2 the XMAS party. He hung up on me & refuses to talk. What does it mean? He does this hanging up thing all the time whenever he gets moody.

      Delete
    2. I want to share my testimony, on how i was able to get back my husband around December 19th 2017 with the help of Dr Haberle. My husband left me for over 1 years, and went on with another lady, and i was unable to move on with my life, because of the love i have for him, last month i saw a testimony on the internet, on how Dr Haberle help someone with love spell, so i never believe it but just have to try my faith which i did, and i contacted him on this email: drhaberlespelltemple@gmail.com or drhaberlespelltemple@yahoo.com and he told me what i need to do, and after 2 days i received a call from my husband asking me to come back to him, it was all like a dream to me, i am so happy now as we are back together again. Thanks to Dr Haberle and i will advice anyone in need of help to contact him on his Whats-app Number:+27643508906.

      Delete
    3. why would u want someone back who left u high n fry and stuck his penis in someone else's vagina for a year but now got bored with it and wants to come back. I would tell him eewww and kick rocks with socks on

      Delete
    4. Oh no in this case you are opening up a whole can of worms. Demonical forces that comes along with witchcraft and spells. You will have a lot more to deal with than a break up. God help us. Do get into spells and witchcraft. Try asking God who your mate is. God is the one true source. Thank you

      Delete
  2. Pitying someone is also a way to achieve a feeling of power.

    ReplyDelete
  3. does your ex-girlfriend read this blog? just curious if this is an act of aggression or just yourself venting.

    ReplyDelete
  4. If I were in your place, if she made a habit of it, I would have started hanging up on her before she got the opportunity.

    I definitely would be curious to see how she would have reacted to that!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Emotional conversations are about just that: emotion, not logic. If you were arguing while she was expressing, then you weren't listening, you were attacking her so she took a drastic measure to make that stop.

    Just a guess. You sound like an ass to me though.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No he really doesnt sound like an asshole. Hanging up before you vet through talking is degrading. Perhaps one shouldnt answer the phone when that hanger upper calls and maybe theyll get that message.

      Delete
    2. No you don't sound like an arsehole to me. I have read this post of yours on several occasions when my partner hangs up on me and a lot of what you say makes sense. I've done the calling back, the texting, the crying and I have somehow found the strength - through therapy - to deal with it differently. It's taken me a while and gradual changes to handle it differently now. I used to feel so upset when hung up on and i guess i still do, but quite frankly i think it is immature and boring. One trick pony thing I now think. Thanks for your insightful posting. It has certainly helped me :-)

      Delete
    3. There's only so much a Woman could put up with a Man's Negative Feedback, that's when we Women have to put a stop to their verbal comments. If a Man hangs up the phone on a Women, I feel that there was absolutely nothing in common interest from the beginning!

      Delete
  6. I agree with the 11:02 comment above. Often times, hanging up is not an offensive maneuver, but a defensive one.

    When someone is quick to offer an 'alternative point of view', it is easily seen as distracting, attacking, refuting, defending, or just plain not listening. Sometimes the only thing to do is to stop the conversation completely.

    I'd suggest waiting until you're actually asked for an alternative point of view before offering it unsolicited.

    ReplyDelete
  7. What the 11:02 post above says is basically what just destroyed my relationship. Whenever we had a disagreement she would be expressive and I would be analytical and we got absolutely nowhere. She wouldn't hang up on me, she'd just give me the could shoulder and give answers like "ok" and "fine", making it impossible to talk at all.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Speaking as a woman who has done this, I'm sorry but I'm going to have to agree with the three comments above me.

    Men argue with logical (most, but certainly not all lol) and women argue with emotion (most, not all). A lot of times women want an emotional outlet and who better to find that in than someone they care for? Whether it be a friend, family member, or a boyfriend/fiance/husband/lover...

    I've hung up on a guy I'm talking to because he simply wasn't listening to me. I wasn't trying to be an ass (though I'm sure I was) but I finally pleaded to drop the conversation and it didn't stop! So I would sign off or hang out (or grow silent).

    If I'm venting I don't want the logistics of what I'm doing... often times emotions ARE NOT logical at all, so why would you try to tell me this? While hanging up may be an insult to you, telling me I'm wrong for the way I've thought or reacted to something that I've obviously grown passionate about it a slap to the face as well.

    I'm not saying you're wrong on everything in this blog, some of it can be see as quite on par... these women sound like they have been hurt and are damaged goods. That are they are just immature and not ready for any relationship. Take it for what it is and leave it behind you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I appreciate your input. It make sense. Both parties have done something harmful to each other. Both feel justified and both aren't really interested in the other person's feelings.I have always seen the relationship dynamic of man and woman as perpendicular instead of parallel. Women behave and act on one plane, while men act on another all together. We see things differently and sadly we clash at the point of connection. We spend the better part of our life trying to make the other person bend to our plane and leave their own. Unfortunately people don't bend. They break.

      Delete
    2. I understand that trying to refute someone's emotional venting is a sign that you are not listening. However, the argument I was having was about me not earning enough money to cover the bills and how she is tired of having to cover for me. This only happened two or three times (recently) but her argument was that she should leave me. She expected an answer. I used phrases like "I understand" and "I see where you're coming from" and "I'm in the office until 1am tonight to try to make the sales in order to cover the bills" and "I will get us out of this". Are you suggesting I just stay silent and not respond? Of course I am listening. Of course I am not ignoring her. But I can't think of what to do to calm her down and to stop her from leaving. I just need time. the problem is she has already given me more than enough time. I still need more time and i will make it all better. I know i will. But it just feels like I should have said something differently. She hung up. She always hangs up. I don't want to lose my wife. I love my family and she just keeps hanging up. If staying silent was the answer I would stay silent. I have no interest in gaslighting and just talking over her or diminishing her point of view. I just don't know what she wants to hear.

      Delete
  9. (sorry for the typos I was in a hurry :P)

    ReplyDelete
  10. I disagree with my Anonymous brethren above. They would have us believe that compromise is only a one-way street, where the "logical" are expected to make allowances for the "emotional." So what if your partner is being too logical over any given issue? Both parties must make the painful choice to compromise and try to see things from each others' perspectives. Hanging up *is* just a childish power play and shows an inability to compromise.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agree 100% on your last line. It is not ok to hang up. I've never done it no matter how angry or frustrated I've been, and know I never will. It is the epitome of disrespect. Period.

      Delete
    2. Yes...if you can hang up on someone...you are saying what they feel is B.S. and you want them to feel belittled for even saying anything. It is a power play and It is degrading.:(

      Delete
    3. I'm a woman. My ex of 4 years hung up on me anytime the conversations didn't go to his liking. He would say enraged statements then quickly hang up so you just boil.... it is ABSOLUTELY not okay to hang up on people you care about PERIOD. I wasn't raised that way, and never would do it to anyone esp. My partner.

      Delete
  11. Many thanks to the lady who commented (and everyone else also), but you know what? Anyone who is so rude as to hang up on another person should go f*ck themselves. I don't care what their excuse is. Why are you defending that behavior? WTF does "emotion" vs. "logic" have to do with good manners? Are you kidding me?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 100% with you on this one.

      Delete
    2. this is the best reply i have seen on this subject on any forum. Kudos to Hart.

      Delete
    3. I absolutely agree with Jonathan Bigg Hart. My younger sister hangs up on me at the drop of a hat. If she has issues with me, then I can understand the animosity. However, when the conversation starts out warm and friendly (even when she calls me), the talk takes a weird turn of hang up with the slightest bit of constructive criticism from me. BTW, I welcome myself all constructive criticism to me; it is how we grow Even negative or not meant as constructive criticism can be beneficial or insightful. But that's another issue and not the case here. When my sister hung up on me last time, I emailed her saying simply 'When you hang up abruptly, it does not make you right...it just makes you rude'. Yes, I do think it is rude to hang up on someone. Contrary to what the hanger-upper believes, to hang up abruptly is powerless, immature, insensitive, and depicts an inability to intellectually engage.

      Delete
    4. 1000% with you Bigg Hart. You are exactly right!

      Delete
  12. Looks like you've had an assortment of women as girlfriends! Nice experience and nice posts! They (the exes )deserve a big thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  13. i agree, hanging up is completely immature and rude. if you have been in a long term relationship, there is no need for this childish nonsense. if at this point, the two parties can not properly communicate and resolve their differences then they should not be together..PERIOD. People who only use hanging up as an arsenal have issue. I know its hard, but do not call back. if they do not call back, they move on.

    ReplyDelete
  14. When a person attempts to have an argument while sitting beside the child, no matter the circumstances: Hang up the telephone. To argue near a child is disrespectful and immature when it occurs near children. People, check your egos because it's not about pride, respect or anything other than a person who feels inadequate. You will not receive parity by anger. Yes, this is the perspective of a woman.

    ReplyDelete
  15. In my opinion, healthy adults have no control or power over another adult that is capable of making their own decisions. Healthy, mature adults have control/power over themselves via free will. And any adult who abruptly hangs up a phone has temporarily lost control of themselves.

    The behavior is pretty par for the course with children and adolescents. Ideally, pro social communication skills are mastered by the time we reach adulthood.

    You can stop taking calls altogether or gently, but firmly, remind others that manners along with calm, clear communication is central to understanding and that nothing is gained by simply hanging up. Everyone benefits from this - children, adolescents and adults alike.

    ReplyDelete
  16. My father gave me up for adoption. I now am in my 50s and came to him at his request. This was to help him get better after open heart surgery. Something happened and I don't know what. But for years when I call to wish him .... He hangs up the phone like I don't exist. My mother says he is so narcissistic that he has no clue. He will die a lonely old man. All I wanted was his love. I was the only one in the family to be productive, have children and grandchildren. It's very sad. He is involved with the Masonic lodge and I have been told that they encourage this abandonment of their children. What gives?

    Maxie

    ReplyDelete
  17. my child's father hangs up on me and threatens to leave after every f'kn disagreement/debate/ argument. My own father hasn't been in my life for over 13 years and yes it can make you feel somewhat abandoned but it doesn't have to be the baggage you carry into your relationships. If you had respect for your spouse and truly loved them you wouldn't be so full of spite to treat them as if they don't matter .If you want to act immature and selfish that's exactly what will happen your going to end up alone. No one deserves to be treated that way in a relationship. Ive put up with soooo much drama and b.s and I still listen to what he has too say .Theres no reason excuse to act hat way..Usually only cheaters and or liars behave in a defensive negative rude manner ...if the spouse is disrespectfull. Let them take that shit to someone less deserving of a respectfull union. Who want a grown ass person to act like a child throwing a tantrum....one foot in the door and another foot in their ass.....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree 100% on this. My boyfriend is doing similar shit to this and quite frankly im just getting fed up with it. We have gone through to much for him to act like a kid.

      Delete
    2. Liars and Cheats.. Funny you should mention that. Diverting attention on to you,and belittling your character to have power. The moment *Truth comes about, reality come to face,it's block, delete, hang up, break up. I cannot breath without this fucktard trying to control me. Yet, he is the liar and cheat. We don't talk about that though. Click.. It's so childish and fucking disrespectful. It certainly does not make me want to be closer. Quit the opposite.

      Delete
  18. My ex hanged up on me everytime I called him. Its not like I wanted to ask why he dissappeared on me. I realised him hanging up he just wanted to hurt me more coz I never asked him why he left nor begged. All I was doing was calling him to bring back something he left with. Hanging up must have given him control of the relationship still, might be he expected me to beg and beg but I had chosen to let him enjoy his exit with no questions asked.
    Him doing so did hurt me but I never asked him why he hung up. I left him alone though the healing took a while for me after he did so. I got over it. No resentment towards him. I'm sure he needed something from his behaviour just I didn't see the need to keep calling him, I let go and em more happy than I was with him. I thank him for hanging up, coz if he never did I would hve taken him back if he returned.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Hanging up on someone is a choice.
    How YOU handle it is what's important. Follow your gut and stand your ground. The FIRST time. Consistency is key.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is insightful, thank you.

      Delete
  20. Perhaps she got so upset with what you were saying, that the option of hanging up was much more appealing to her than saying something equally vile to you. Also I have tried to end an argument, with comments of this is going no where lets take a break and continue this conversation when we are both calm, and have the other person not let go of it, keep railing or shouting his opinion at me. To me this was verbal abuse, ignoring my requests to calm things down or to change the subject. So I hung up, usually regretting it almost instantly and calling back but yes. Sometimes things need a reboot so to speak. Perhaps people need to take a look at HOW they argue, are you just flinging a string of abusive insults that the other person is forced to listen to because of some cultural obligation to not hang up the phone? are you listening to her? or is it just a one sided slam fest. You can't expect a person to listen to you abuse them verbally, not giving them a chance to defend or interject. The only option sometimes is to end the conversation. If a person is irrationally screaming at me and won't calm down no matter what I try to do or say, I will leave the room and let them regain some kind of control over themselves. Verbal abuse is almost as bad as physical abuse. What you are saying is akin to telling an abused woman "Oh so he broke your nose well just stand there until he's done with the rest of your face! Don't you know its not polite to leave a room while another person is beating on you?"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for this post! I have been reading how rude it is...I hung up on someone I was dating only for a few weeks. He called me knowing I was home sick and barraged me with a temper that can only be described as crazy. I would not let him come over while I was trying to rest, so I was attacked for being unfaithful to him and the relationship...really? how about are you ok? can I get you anything? not like I would oblige. When he said "ok...I give up..." I hung up. Sometimes, it is better to not argue a point which holds no validity and save yourself the continued belittling for something you have never done. So I think it is WAY ok to hang up on a person who is attacking you when you are down and tells you they give up on you for an insane reason.

      Delete
    2. I love this answer. It's exactly the way I felt when I wanted my boyfriend to be compassionate about my situation concerning a financial issue. He basically went into a tirade about...why do y'all go to college and get degrees...you Americans worry about stuff that isn't anything. I was explaining to him that I am compassionate about his situation, but he isn't in my situation. He was like you are getting upset because I'm not agreeing with your a^^. I couldn't handle it anymore, so I hung up in order not to stoop to his level. His attitude was totally uncalled for.

      Delete
  21. Very good analysis...I think you are absolutely right on target...Thank you for trying to find a reasonable answer toward the problem...I work in Health care and interact with an associate who does this same (hanging up)...I think the same thing you do; weird as all get out...She has a screwball somewhere in her life, and I don't want to be hit by it...

    ReplyDelete
  22. I recently developed the "strategy" of getting off the phone before any wonkiness by [by husband] occurs. Circumvent it ahead of time. It does disable any reasonableness to the relationship, so I've crafted my alternate way out. Yes, it, the marriage, is doomed to failure by his wonkiness, this constant hanging up nonsense. Nothing has ever been discussed and resolved in this disastrous 3.5 years. The immaturity, in this 45-year-old husband seems never to "mature" in spite of a considerable promotion at work, his having 2 kids (+a similarly immature ex wife), having gone through several anger management sets of counseling and education. I guess people never see the error of their ways [even when they claim they do], and get real or normal, or mature or respectful, if they show disrespect more than a few times. This particular guy has gone into a marriage counselor and assertively proclaimed, "Well, I'm abusive," I guess telling us all that he is proud of being abusive. Okay! Nothing's changed since then, a year ago. The counselor promptly let him know he's not welcome back in her office. And he "felt bad," he said. Folks seem so out to lunch, though it makes sense they'd need to deny their behavior, it's gotta be a whole lot of constant shame felt internally. Yes, I pity the defensiveness and shame, not to mention the constant anger. Who feels good being angry? (He also never did this while we dated for 2 years, to trick me. Yuck!)

    ReplyDelete
  23. Mr Hart...Thank you. My friend (non-sexual), like "best" friends or "sisters"...alike...we have had years of conversations...mainly about her problems with her "real" sisters...I have encouraged and argued also with her to help her to come to conclusions about her own issues with them or with her own self. However, at times, she chooses to "Hang up on me"...yes, I've felt the hurt or the abandonment and have readily accepted her calls again and again...after 44 years of friendship and "Christian" fellowship. Yes, I have told her that what she is doing is abusive, childish, and controlling.

    Today again, she's hung up on me. I put her number on "voice-mail" this time...she's left about four messages so far and I sent her a "text"....Hanging up on your friend is a form of playing games and bullying, as childish. (I am saddened by her behavior...this way for years.)

    When I was a child, two sisters, who lived across the street, would fight with each other then they would stick me in between their fight and would bully me to pick a side and I wouldn't then I would be "CAST OUT" for about 1-3 months at a time by them...eventually...as I would watch them play outside, while sitting alone on my porch...they would then decide to call me to come and play with them...this did happen to me with them "often". I chose the "friendships" even after numerous abandonments...also by own family, new friends and ex's...does this make me an enabler, poor at relationships, a complete sucker...or all of the above?

    To me, a friend is a friend...and you don't hang up on them...you listen and you share your concerns...whether one
    likes your opinion or not...and no matter how angry one gets with you there is always room for RESPECT and LISTENING FROM BOTH ENDS...(I do have a hard time with the "I don't want to talk about it parts"...) Thank you. jp4peace

    ReplyDelete
  24. I completely agree with this man. I am a woman and my boyfriend does this to me on a regular basis. We have so many arguments simply because he will never resolve anything and never hears me out. He blows up at me on the phone, interrupts, talks over me, hangs up, and ignores me for hours. Or the worst is he keeps calling to yell things then hangs up without giving me any opportunity to defend myself. I call them "drive bys". This man who wrote this is completely right, it is a horrible form of psychological and mental anguish the abuser is putting you through because they cannot stand to hear your point of view. I am dealing with this right now by texting my points instead to get out what I need to express and taking time apart from him in hopes he will understand how irrational he is being. As a woman, I am actually more logical and he is the emotional reactor who uses silent treatment and petty trivial childish hang ups to handle arguments. So you cannot base everything on gender. A man or a woman can be guilty of this and it usually stems from their childhood - he never had parents discipline him much so he was allowed to do whatever he wanted, he never had to talk through anything or be accountable, so it mainfests in his relationships. His past relationship lasted for years with zero communication, they never even said one word to each other because he told me he did not want to communicate anymore. It's a pattern, look out for it before you end up in a vicious power struggle. It's lonely!

    ReplyDelete
  25. And P.S. I completely disagree with these comments about it being a slam fest. Sometimes we are talking through our feelings and the other person is yelling insults and hanging up. Hanging up and cutting someone off is the most vicious form of abuse and no one should justify it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Abuse is to yourself when you don't hang up when someone is being cruel and you do not want to be cruel back...vicious? wow...you are the abuser here. justify yourself...

      Delete
  26. Well if you like my male friends all of a sudden he's hanging up on me when I'm talking I guess it's his way of avoiding me . he say I start the fight but I don't well this time I broke up with him told him how and why I break up with him it was nothing big it was but I feel we are not together no communication no quality time I sent him a text I love him I called he didn't respond being that he so analytical I guess he had to compose himselfthen call me he states I read all your messages and listen to your voice message so you want to break up with me okay then he thought talking about something else wouldn't allow me to speak when I started to talk to tell him again how I feltTimes up for me how immature and I called back and said maybe your phone so I'll speak with you later then I thought about it and had call back and I said that was so rude and immature you have to know how to interact all of a sudden you want to disrespect methat's why woke up with you good nightI know again I need a couple going to Marinelli on what I said he has so many Micways and no I hate him but life goes on

    ReplyDelete
  27. Im so tired, everytime i try to talk about things my point of view he gets pissed off starts yelling at me and i get blamed for raising my voice even though im clearly talking i try getting him to see that im not screamingor scolding him while im getting scolded like a child because i am simply putting my point of veiw out there and he hangs up not only that befor hanging up he doesnt let me get a word in at all, after he hangs up i feel guilty like its all my fault, then he will call me and ask me rudely if im done and if i even say anything of what i got hung up on hell hang up. So yeah it sucks being hung up on. I learned though to not apologize for saying my point of view, why should i apologize for my opinion i used to, now i dont call him back i dont cry and hes not sorry so why should i be for stating my thoughts of something especially in a calm manner

    ReplyDelete
  28. This article is so way off, people don't hang up on someone to gain control over someone, it's usually done to end an argument that's getting nowhere or insults are being hauled. You (the writer of this article) come across as condescending and critical; u actually posted about ur ex past history as if that explains why she hung up on u but just from reading this article and the reply u gave about people that don't agree can "go f*ck themselves," I'm pretty sure she hung up on you because she got tired of listening to the insults and disrespect from you. Because it seems like you can't accept that people will disagree with you without you insulting and becoming disrespectful to them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're right... if insults are being hauled at each other with no evidence or any logical argument then there's no point in talking. However, hanging up on someone... especially the person YOU SAY YOU LOVE(!) is not a way to end anything. If you hang up... you should definitely call again because you left the other person in the dust... whether they were mad or not... they are alone.

      Now... this writer isn't a 100% true in everything... this is a very gray area, however once you leave the person... if you really love that person you should go back and try to make things better. Leaving the issue won't make it better and in fact will resurface again later in the relationship. And if the person hangs up and wants the other person to contact them again... lmfao that is such a slap on the face to the other person... how are you gonna hang up on them and expect them to call you back? That is some crazy power play going on and should automatically send red flags popping up. Now if the other person is just cursing and saying stupid, irratic shit, then yeah hanging up might be better, but before you hang up you should say like "listen we'll argue after you stop cursing" or since you'll be in the heat of the moment as well "stop fking cursing me out and not making sense"... then hang up on them... then calling them back to resolve the issue. I highly doubt the other person will just curse randomly at you if he/she loves you like that... there's a reason for it and you should decide if it's worth explaining or not. If the issue is stupid... let them know it's stupid for X,Y,Z reasons... never leave the other person (esp if you love them) hanging.

      Delete
  29. I just read your blog post and I absolutely have to agree with most of your points. My ex's mother and father left her and she has this abandonment issue in the past. For this reason, whenever we had an argument, I would actually just let it go most of the time because I know she has been through such a hard time... however the last straw was when I gathered enough evidence to show that she was cheating on me. And I was furious. The feeling of betrayal and lies overwhelmed and I just yelled at her on the phone... saying I know she's cheating on me and all that and then she just hung up on me with her last words saying "I'm done trying to explain myself"... the context of the argument is a long ass story, but her excuse was actually a lie because of all the information I gathered and I EVEN knew what excuse she was going to use.

    Anyway, after she hung up on me... I was quite done with everything. Every single time we had an argument I'd be the one to say sorry EVEN though sometimes it wouldn't even be MY fault... she was just mad that I got mad (LOL?). When she hung up on me... I just came to the conclusion that if she loves me... she will try to explain herself and all that, but since she hasn't called me back, I just assumed that she doesn't love me or care about me enough... even after all those times I bent backwards and apologized for things I didn't even do wrong sometimes.

    Like the 3 points you mentioned... I felt all 3. I was there alone on the other end... wanting an explanation, but at the same time, not going to bend AGAIN and apologize for something I CLEARLY had enough evidence for. It's funny that she never felt the need to call me again or even try to prove me wrong or any of that. I might have actually been a sucker and took her in my life again. And your last sentence... lol! She wasn't great at blowjobs, but I sure as hell do miss the great sex we had... she was wild.

    ReplyDelete
  30. I just hung up on my boyfriend on the phone in the middle of an argument because I've known him for a while and he will never EVER allow me to explain myself, telling me that I am wrong before I even got to my point. Struggling to explain myself as he keeps saying, "NO, you're wrong! (Insert his point-of-view)", I got overwhelmed to an extent that it made me realize it is a hopeless case - he will never TRY to listen - he's not respectful at all with his approach (maybe because he is comfortable) - so what do I do? *Taps the red button*

    I used to call him back, so we can talk it out more. But in reality, I was so infatuated with him that I disregarded respecting my own boundaries. So anyway, I guess I abandoned the argument. I didn't purposefully hang-up to feel empowered, but I felt it just right now as I wrote this. It's more like the power of the will to respect myself and the determination to react without being scared of the consequences as I knew I was right without a doubt. I just wish he had the same respect towards me as how I manage my approach towards him even when in a highly intensive argument.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Maybe YOU were the problem. But as most people like yourself, "you are SUCH a special snowflake! Yay!!

    ReplyDelete
  32. I to am a victim of the proverbial hanger upper and though I agree it causes a feeling of abandonment in me which runs deep as I was abused before I have come to a conclusion that my role in the relationship is to be a helper and a healer.

    I believe true love and companionship requires this perspective as any other would be selfish. People, especially those we love deserve compassion though we may label them at times as damaged goods.

    I agree that hanging up is a control mechanism based in protectionism. It is selfish in nature, it is malicious designed to cause hurt in the target and worse yet they have no remorse for how you feel. Most would say walk away you do not deserve that treatment when in reality it's not that you don't deserve it the fact is you need to handle it and handle it correctly.

    I have come to understand my hanger upper was abused and abandoned as a child along with being in other abusive situations she had no control over. Is she so called damaged goods? Yes.

    My job is to love her and un-damage her and help her heal. The other choice is to walk away and suggest to her to go to counseling or therapy.

    We are all broken in some way and hurt people hurt people. We were designed to be in relationship and we can't run every time things don't suit us. That too is selfish. If love is really what it is suppose to be then words like patience, perserverance, and endurance become vitally important.

    At the same time a person can only take so much abuse and they must leave the relationship to save themselves if the hanger upper is hell bent on destruction.

    If you are astute enough to learn the reason behind her hurt and pain and you love her enough then your role is to put on your armor and go to battle on behalf of the woman you love. You need to draw clear boundaries and you need to lovingly communicate your intention and your battle plan. You need to tell here that you are going to protect her emotions with all your strength and all your might and stand with her against the demons of the past.

    This is the role of a warrior. This is what real men do when they love someone. In my opinion any man that cannot do this is not worth marrying anyway. He will wander looking for the perfect woman that does not exist and every time it gets tough he will leave. You won't be able to count on him.

    However, I will in the same breath say there are some women that can be so emotionally hurt that therapy and counseling are required before they can have a healthy relationship. You just need to be smart enough to recognize them and stay away.

    I'm in love with my little hanger upper and understand what's behind the behavior. Deep down is a frightened, scared little girl crying in pain believing, hoping and praying that there is a man worth loving that won't walk away, that won't abuse or take advantage in selfish ways.

    I'm here to help her heal, to lead the way to understand that her behavior and responses are coming from a place long ago and together we can overcome if you allow me in close enough and you are willing enough to achieve total vulnerability and access with a sincere heart and full honesty.

    This is what men do when they understand their character is at stake.

    But a man has a breaking point and if the battle gets to intense by all means save yourself and walk away.

    But real men are not afraid of a good fight and if you really love her then prepare for battle and with faith and love fight hard for her and fight to win.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're a victim of abuse and you need therapy as your "little scared girl" you're in a relationship with. Your role in relationships is definitely NOT to heal the other person, that's up to them to do, you can only give your partner chances to change and support her, but if they choose not to help themselves then this is it.

      It's lovely to remind yourself to sympathize with your partner and not to run when they're treating you badly, but we're talking here about a repeated behavior and power games in relationships.

      Protect yourself and don't be a victim. Give chances and support, but if it's affecting your wellbeing you'll still be a "man" if you chose to end that relationship.

      Delete
    2. Good advice.. i wished i read this 3 months ago.. im full blown into a situation where the person and i have insulted, disrespected to the point she would hang up every time i reached her. 3 months and she never allowed me to say whats on my mind regarding some foul stuff she did. Now the roles are reversed and she feels in control by hanging up and got people to side with her and calls it harrassement when simply i was holding her accountable for her actions which turned into this messy thing that has yet to find a solution..now, she refuses to talk and puts a restraining order for allegations in me threatening her and all this because she refuses to hear a point of view.

      Delete
  33. Hey everyone! Email___dr.mack201@gmail.com granted all my wishes. Thanks to dr_mack for bringing my Lover back just in 3 days!

    ReplyDelete
  34. I want to share my testimony, on how i was able to get back my husband around December 19th 2017 with the help of Dr Haberle. My husband left me for over 1 years, and went on with another lady, and i was unable to move on with my life, because of the love i have for him, last month i saw a testimony on the internet, on how Dr Haberle help someone with love spell, so i never believe it but just have to try my faith which i did, and i contacted him on this email: drhaberlespelltemple@gmail.com or drhaberlespelltemple@yahoo.com and he told me what i need to do, and after 2 days i received a call from my husband asking me to come back to him, it was all like a dream to me, i am so happy now as we are back together again. Thanks to Dr Haberle and i will advice anyone in need of help to contact him on his Whats-app Number:+27643508906.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Getting back my husband after separation was very difficult for me because he went to settle down with another woman, i had two children for him already. I have tried to make contacts with him to come back home yet he refuse, each time i look at his kids i become more sad and i needed him at my side to raise the children together. I was so lucky i finally got the help i needed, i went on a search and i saw Dr Mack contact. People say he is a very powerful spell caster that he can put an end to relationship problem, causes that disturb destiny, he is also good in curing different diseases. He is such a special man gifted with powers and reliable spell caster that have a cure to most problems of life. My husband is back to me and we are living happily as it used to be, Dr Mack have done what i could never have done with my own powers.


    (1) If you want your ex back.
    (2) if you always have bad dreams.
    (3) If you want to be promoted in your office.
    (4) If you want women/men to run after you.
    (5) If you want a child.
    (6) If you want to be rich.
    (7) If you want to tie your husband/wife to be yours forever.
    (8) If you need financial assistance.
    (9) How you been scammed and you want to recover you lost money.
    (10) if you want to stop your divorce.
    (11) if you want to divorce your husband.
    (12) if you want your wishes to be granted.
    (13) Pregnancy spell to conceive baby
    (14) Guarantee you win the troubling court cases & divorce no matter how what stage
    (15) Stop your marriage or relationship from breaking apart.
    (16) if you have any sickness like ( H I V ), (CANCER) or any sickness.
    once again make sure you contact him if you have any problem he will help you. his email address is (Dr_mack@yahoo.com) contact him immediately



    ReplyDelete
  36. Is this thread still open? I wanted to ask the writer of this article if he feels a relationship with this type of person is salvageable and how long would you give it, before you feel it is unhealthy? If someone were yelling and cursing at me, I will probably hang up at some point. My husband hangs up on me frequently. I mean, numerous times. I have asked him during calm times, to please not do this anymore. I said it is one of the most disrespectful things we can do to someone we claim to love. I told him if I said or did something that upset him, made him angry, or hurt him, to please just tell me and we would stop talking about it for a while. Even though I've requested this numerous times, he still keeps doing it. He is 61 years old and old enough to know better. I genuinely, deeply love my husband and don't even believe in divorce, but damn, I don't know how much more I can bear. Must I really go through the rest of my life experiencing this? This is marriage? He does this every time I voice any kind of opinion or thought, that is different from the one he feels. If I don't agree with him wholeheartedly, hang up. I don't even say it mean or bitchy. I am not working at the moment, leaving would put me in a terrible bind. I really don't know what to do and would like to save my marriage, but I don't know if I can continue on with someone who just simply can't be nice. He sure as hell was nice the two years we dated. Any suggestions?

    ReplyDelete
  37. I must admit dr_mack@yahoo.com is really a genuine man when it comes to restoring relationship, i never believed that my man will ever come back to me, my man is now with me and he loves me like never before...

    ReplyDelete
  38. I agree with the original poster. I have been hung up on by someone over petty arhuments. Just roday someone I am involved with started yelling and hung up over me not repeating a sentence I had said 3 times previously. People get tired of other trying to control them. I text the peraon but I will not call. If that person wants to talk they will call otherwise we will no longer communicate. When the person hung up they blamed me and acted as of it was right. I am done with that.

    ReplyDelete
  39. AM SANDRA FROM CANADA, THANKS TO DR ONIHA WHO HELP ME BRING MY HUSBAND BACK, MY HUSBAND LEFT ME WITH THREE KIDS, FOR ANOTHER YOUNG GIRL, FOR OVER TWO YEARS, I TRIED ALL I COULD TO SETTLED OUR DIFFRENCES, BUT IT YIELDED NO RESULT, I WAS THE ONE TAKING CARE OF THE CHILDREN ALONE, UNTIL ONE DAY, I CAME IN CONTACT WITH SOME ARTICLES ONLINE, CONTAINING HOW DR ONIHA HAS HELP SO MANY LOVERS AND FAMILY REUNION AND REUNIT AGAIN, AND I DECIDED TO CONTACT HIM, AND HE CAST HIS SPELL ON MY HUSBAND, WITHIN FIVE DAYS, MY HUSBAND RAN BACK HOME, AND WAS BEGGING ME AND THE KIDS FOR FORGIVENESS, IN CASE YOU ARE PASSING THROUGH SIMILAR PROBLEMS, AND YOU WANTS TO CONTACT DR ONIHA, YOU CAN REACH HIM VIA HIS CONTACT NUMBER, ON CALL OR WHATSAP +2347089275769 OR EMAIL DRONIHASPELL@YAHOO.COM

    ReplyDelete
  40. Jonathan Bigg Hart. Thank you. Original post is spot on. My bf Of four years just hung up on me again. He’s done a couple times before. That was the last time he disrespects me in that manner. I would NEVER do that to another human. We weren’t even arguing, I was attempting to help him figure something out and was having trouble hearing him which posted him off.
    You are so correct in the maliciousness behind a hanger upper!!! CONTROL. It makes perfect sense now. I get it. And I’m done. Thanks for the wisdom. I’m a new fan.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Hanger uppee sees the light. 💕

    ReplyDelete

  42. I thought my relationship was one of a kind,i was blinded by initial thought,i believed her when she always says she loved me,i tolerated her axxess,never new that i miss read the sighns,i never believed my friend when he said that my woman was too cool to be real,i found out his reasons when i caught her cheating on me.All thanks to ''hackingloop6@ gmail . com'' for their investigative and hacking service that helped me gain remote access to all her phone activities.I was totally shocked on how much fake people can pretend to be real,we broke-up and i never regret it because it's been decades ago.today i have a happy married life and and kept everyone else out of my marriage,i don't give them head to start on their deceit.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Are you in bad need of love spell to bring back your ex lover or reunite your marriage? contact Dr Sam for fast 48 hours solution. I had a problem with my husband a year and six months ago, which lead us apart. When he broke up with me, I was confuse and did not know what to do to get him back, I felt so empty inside. Until i came across Dr Sam on the internet on how He has helped so many people solve there various problem. I emailed Him and I told Him my problem and i did what he asked me to do for him to help me, to briefly make the long story short, Before I knew it, in less than 48 HOURS, my Husband gave me a call and he came back to me and told me he was sorry about what was going on between the both of us. Finally I am writing this testimony to offer my thanks and deep gratitude to you Dr Sam for keeping to your words and your promises in bringing him back to me in just 48 hours of your powerful spell casting, and for using your gifted and great powers to bring him back. If you need his help, you can email him at ( okokakspellhome@gmail.com ) or add Dr Sam on WhatsApp ( +2349060421250) or call him get all your problems solve No problem is too big for him to solve..Contact him now THANKS TO Dr Sam

    ReplyDelete
  44. What a beautiful and wonderful testimony, sometimes things you don't believe can just happen. My name is Adams Vera, from U.S.A am 28 years old i got married at the age of 24 i have only one child and i was living happily. After three years of my marriage my husband behavior became so strange and i don't really understand what was going on, he packed out of the house to another woman i love him so much that i never dreamed of losing him, i try my possible best to make sure that my husband get back to me but all to no avail i cry and i cry seeking for help because i was heart broken until i coincidentally came across an online spell caster called Dr. Osasu , i contacted him and explained to him what i have been going through in my marriage and he gave me the full assurance that my husband will come back to me and my marriage will be restored, He told me what to do to get my husband back and i did, he said after 3days my husband will come back to me and start begging, it really happen it was so surprising and everything was just like a miracle, ever since my family have been living with so much happiness and our relationship was now very tight because of this great and powerful spell caster.he is a very great and powerful spell caster that can be trusted and there is nothing concerning life issues he cannot solve because i am a living testimony. i know there are so many people out there who are going through similar problems in one way or the other, believe me this is the right spell caster to contact and all your problems will be forgotten. contact Dr. Osasu viaWhatsapp: +2347064365391 Email:Account drosasu25@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  45. what a powerful and genuine spell caster name Dr okeke am so happy to share this great and wonderful spell caster on this website am Lisa Steven from united state i want to Thank and share the good work of  Dr okeke for what he have done for me! for restore my family back My husband who lift home and requested for divorce papers has come back home and he has stopped to fill the divorce papers after i contacted Dr okeke to help me stop the divorce with my husband and bring him back home to our kids the most happiness part that the evil woman that cause the problem in my marriage was sent away by my husband all what Dr okeke has said have come to pass once again thank you okeke am sharing this great testimony on this website because i know most people are facing such problem in there marriage or relationship and they are searching for solution i will advice to stop searching and contact Dr okeke on his email writelovespell@gmail.com or chat him on whatsAp +2348140443360 to restore your marriage or relationship Dr okeke is the best and truthful spell caster i have ever come across with may God bless you sir for your great work you are doing for people HE CAN ALSO HELP WITH THE FOLLOWING PROBLEM
    1. DIVORCE SPELL
    2. HERPES CURE
    3. CANCER CURE
    4. PREGNANCY SPELL
    5. DIABETES CURE
    6. MARRIAGE SPELL
    AND MANY MORE

    ReplyDelete
  46. I’m so excited because my broken marriage has been restored & my husband is back after he left me and our 2 kids for another woman. After 8 years of marriage, me and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me and moved to California to be with another woman. i felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that DR.Osasu can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a (Love spell) for me. 28 hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before,All thanks to DR.Osasu . he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that DR.Osasu real and powerful spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact: Email him at:Account:
    drosasu25@gmail.com , you can also call him or add him on Whats-app: +2347064365391,THANKS TO DR. Osasu

    ReplyDelete
  47. Spell to fix your broken marriage or relationship problem or after a divorce or Breakup,I was recently scam by two of them, until one faithful day i meet a man called Dr Oselumen who help me to get back to the father of my kid after we have been separated for two years,I only pay for the items required for the spell and he cast the spell for me within 24hours my ex husband called me and beg me to forgive him for everything until the end of the world he will never leave me again we are back together.if you need a real and quick love spell or you are passing through pregnancy problem Dr Oselumen is the answer, Please if any body needs. LOVE SPELL,LOTTERY,PREGNANCY SPELL, DIVORCE SPELL,STOP COURT CASE AND WIN ANY COURT PROBLEM,DEATH SPELL,BUSINESS SPELL AND MANY MORE YOU MAY NEED. Email him now for your own help. via email droselumen@gmail.com add him on whatsapp line or call +2348054265852.

    ReplyDelete
  48. Can't still believe that I got cured from Genital Herpes through herbal treatment from Dr Vadi who I met through the internet, I actually couldn't believe it at first because it sounded impossible to me knowing how far I have gone just to get rid of it. Dr Vadi send me his medicine which I took as instructed and here I am living a happy life once again, a big thanks to Dr Vadi, I am sure there are many herbal doctors out there but Dr Vadi did it for me, contact him doctorvadi@yahoo.com , also call or whatsApp him on +2348074133083.  

    ReplyDelete
  49. Am here to say a big thank you to Dr Sam for his great powerful love spell and his great spirits for saving my relationship. No one would have believe that I and my ex will ever come back together again lovers. But this great spell caster united us in just 48 hours. Dr Sam is truly a real and honest online spell caster. Contact him now on: okokakspellhome@gmail.com or whatsApp him +2349060421250 and he will help you solve all your problem

    ReplyDelete
  50. I want to share this great testimony to the world on how Dr VOODOO cure me from HSV1&2 with his herbs, I was nervous when i first contact him about the cure for HSV but i decided to give him a try because i was desperate to get cured and be free from HSV. Dr VOODOO prepared the remedy and sent it to me through UPS,which I use just the way Dr VOODOO instructed me and thank God today I am a beneficiary to this cure and I went back to the hospital after 7 days of taking the herbs and I tested HSV1&2 Negative. So I will tell you all who are looking for a cure to his/her HSV1&2 that Dr VOODOO took research before he could finally get the solution to it and a lot of people are benefiting from him right now. He also cured my friend from HPV. Dr VOODOO heals with natural herbs. Please I urge you to contact him now through his email address: voodoospelltemple66@gmail.com or call and WhatsApp him on +2348140120719. He is capable of curing HIV/AIDS, HERPES, HPV, HSV1&2, CANCER of all kinds, DIABETES and so many other infections.

    ReplyDelete
  51. Your style is so unique in comparison to other folks I have read stuff from. Thank you for posting when you’ve got the opportunity, Guess I’ll just bookmark this page. ice cream aurora

    ReplyDelete
  52. The assumption is that there is an argument and the one person is losing an argument or seeking control by hanging up. Suppose the one caller, even though they are in a relationship, is being berated and disrespected on such a regular basis. On one particular day, they say "I'm done with being treated like this" and hang-up. How is this disrespectful when you did it because of being disrespected yet again? Before you say, well you talk with them about the way they disrespected you instead of hanging up. Thing is, you have discussed they way that your partner berates, accuses, and is suspicious of everything you do. The telephone no longer exists as a device for communicating but rather an invisible leash to jerk on from time-to-time. One size does not fit all in this equation.

    ReplyDelete
  53. i have got a place where used injection molding machine for sale is open and the sale is like 1/3 of the price but the problem is i would have to transport it

    ReplyDelete
  54. When someone abruptly hangs up, it can signify various emotions or situations. It might reflect frustration, a desire for distance. Do Need VPN The context and tone of the conversation are crucial in understanding the underlying message behind the hang-up.

    ReplyDelete
  55. Czy mogłaby Panie zaktualizować wpis? Jest on bardzo przydatny a zdaję sobie sprawę, że przez 3 lata mogło się tro속초출장샵chę pozmieniać :)

    ReplyDelete