Wednesday, June 24, 2009

2nd-Best Weight Loss Plan in the World

I have determined that the second-best weight loss plan in the world is (of course) falling too much in love, too quickly, with a person who is just too beautiful, too smart, and too geeky. The harder you fall, the more weight loss you can expect (at least initially). For added effectiveness, might I suggest that you make sure your plan also includes geographic remoteness. My gal is 500 miles away. We stay in touch by chat and phone, with the occasional lip-to-lip visit.

I fell in love with this girl a little faster (not by much, though) than she fell in love with me, and so in the early weeks I built up a bit of a "longing debt," made all the worse when she went overseas for 3 weeks to visit family in eastern Europe. I started to pine. Really pine.

I forgot about food for a while, or at least it didn't interest me as much. Maybe that's because I took to smoking cigarets, to cut the pain. I was nervous, agitated, couldn't sleep.

Oddly enough, I was losing one pound per week even though I started consuming beer heavily. The beer not only didn't show up on my belly, my belly actually shrank.

I've had this whole experience happen once before, when I fell in love with a certain southern belle whose beauty and charm so captivated me that I had to force myself to eat when we went out to dinner. Food didn't interest me when we were together. I always had knots and butterflies in my stomach.

So in my case, right now as I write this, it's been 10 weeks since I met this particular geeky gal (who is a U.S.-based services rep for a very large European enterprise-software firm). And I have lost exactly 10 pounds. Mind you, I graduated high school at 153 pounds, and ballooned up to 178 over a period of ten years or so. I am now at 168. And still dropping, after almost 3 months. I really love that girl.

At this point you're probably wondering what the first-best weight loss program in the world would be (aside from being convicted of a capital crime). The most effective weight loss program is to be dumped by a woman you're seriously in love with. It's hard to eat solid food in the fetal position.


  1. I second that opinion from personal experience :). It does work amazingly well. "...fetal position and non-stop tears overflowing your cheeks and mucus in your nose."!

  2. For tips on foods that will speed up your metabolism, reduce your insulin level(forcing your body to turn calories into energy instead of that) and suppress your appetite. I also have an exercise section. Good luck and i hope it helps. :)